Keeping it real...

Well, the private post was a tiny bit depressing so I ventured out this evening for a little "pick me up".

Well not so little actually...

42 pounds combined and on the Canadian Growth charts to boot!

Home 2 weeks and as beautiful as can be...

Just an update...

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The Golden Shores

Why do they call our cottage shoreline the "Golden Shores"?

Could it be the golden glow of the sun at dawn as it peeks over the eastern shore?Perhaps the nickname refers to the way the mid morning sun shines down upon the dock casting shadows amongst the trees, rocks and wild flowers?

But maybe...possibly...this might just be the reason...

I can wait...but I'm ready right now!

There was one specific moment in time when I heard my inner voice saying, "You can wait just a bit longer."

It was when sweet baby Owen came toddling towards me this afternoon with his arms reaching forward to be picked up. Big silly toddler grin on his face.

I know sweet Benjaminh will be so worth the wait.

And I can wait. I'm not sure I would be able to say that with such conviction without the love and support of those who have gone before and the sloppy toddler grins on the faces of their darling boys.

I could stare at those babies for hours and never, ever be bored.

First Zack, almost exactly two years old and home 1 week.

And Owen, almost exactly one year old and home 6 months.

Feeding the Soul

Sunshine feeds my soul and I'm not getting much of that this week.
Rain. Never ending rain.

So, I'm going with music.
Music also feeds my soul though I'd rather listen to music in the sun!
It took me days to figure this out and blogger friends who have come to my rescue with computer questions in the past will be surprised I figured it out at all.

The first song on the playlist, Forever by Ben Harper, is a new one for me. I had never heard it before last week's wedding and now it is my absolute favourite. Thanks Wendy and Carl!

Enjoy.

The Scoop

Soooo...
As I've mentioned previously I run into some "Social Worker is on extended vacation" snags as of Monday. Her first holiday is near my cottage so we had made a plan (Plan 1) to meet up north if the referral comes between Monday and Friday of next week. Apparently that is a "NO GO". Something official about visiting the home within 6 months of the referral acceptance to ensure the home is safe and secure for the impending arrival. She was last here in July 2006 so that probably won't do.

Okay, fine. Apparently since safety is the present day issue of choice and my home study was written in mid 2006 there is now new standards of "safe". Yeah. A 6 page list of "safe" standards.

So I will spend some time making my home meet these standards over the next few days. Doesn't hurt to have a focus I guess. I'm not a big fan of putting cupboard locks on cabinets when I don't have a referral but I will solider forward.

Plan 2 involved talk from the agency about getting a "backup social worker" lined up in the event my referral comes during holiday time. Ummm. Seems that is also a no go. Read paragraph 2...gotta get that list checked off and have a wee home visit.

Plan 3 has emerged.
I will meet here with my social worker on Saturday morning, this Saturday, briefly review the safety list and create a timeline for any outstanding items thus fulfilling the "home visit" requirement.
Here are a few sure to be outstanding on Saturday:

1. Mirrors and other wall attachments, large pieces of furniture are fixed securely, to prevent toppling over
2. Infant crib meets the recommendations contained in the 2007 "Report of the paediatric Death Review Committee and Deaths Under Five Committee-Office of the Chief Coroner"
3. Exits and stairways gated

I've got the crib and the gates but I'm not dealing with them before I have a referral. This is not negotiable.

Of course there are all the alcohol, drugs and firearms rules....Um, yeah.

Then, when my referral arrives next week (I'm not willing to think about if) we can meet on the side of a road somewhere between here and there and her vacation up north and her retreat out west because the home visit has already occurred. A referral homevisit before the referral. Seriously.

Plan 4 presents the best case scenario...the referral gets here by Friday. This Friday. And we can review the safety list, review the referral, before vacation juggling begins.

Worst case scenario...no referral by July 31st translates into Plan 5- keep waiting. Until her retreat is over on the 11th and she is available until the 14th, the next possible window of time to review the referral paperwork.

Plan 6 is unthinkable.

Stomach in knots.
Cranky emails to the agency
(though they deserved it).
I'm simply not feeling myself.
I keep waiting for the phone to ring.
I wait and wait and wait.
I never turn on my cell phone
but right now I have it in my hand if I go into the backyard.
Weeds in the right
lifeline to wee Benjaminh in the left.

Crazy.

It sucks...

Rainy Day Wishes

The biggest wish of all...you all know what it is...
The word on the street is SOON, as in ANY DAY. Practically ANY MINUTE.
Our Vietnam Support personnel should be waking up for a busy work day in the next couple of hours. Oh, how I hope the referrals get processed and sent off by their day's end.
The agency has recently announced 2 groups of additional referrals are expected in August so lets get those July referrals out of the way to make room for the next groups!

I wish rain didn't make the weeds flourish
Seriously.
I've been away this week and daily showers followed by bright sun and humidity have turned my tiny yard into the very best hothouse for weeds... weeds of every size and description.

I wish puppy love wasn't prone to Hot Spots
Hot Spots and my Golden seem to go hand in hand. Swim, get wet, take forever to dry, get a skin infection, go to the vet, spend money, medicate, heal, go back to the cottage, start again...
Haven't gone to the vet just yet but may be headed there in the next couple of days. We shall see.

I wish the basement and the garage would clean themselves

Finally, I wish for continued good health for sweet Benjaminh and all of his little friends and nannies
Click here to take another peek into Benjaminh's world.
note: wordpress is acting up...be patient and the post will show up some day!

A little of this, a little of that...

What a week.

It started off with a waiting mommies dinner that was wonderful. There will be no picture because the picture was NOT so wonderful.

Next came the wedding by the lake. It was one of those weddings where you are sitting there, tears are streaming down your face, and you are thinking "This one is forever." Truly a marvelous day.

Cottage time, family time, fun, and hardly a photo was taken. Perhaps one of my kind brothers will email me a few shots so I can add them in later.

There was a bit of this...

And quite a bit of this...

In the middle of the cottage week I took a road trip to watch a miracle occur.

That miracle is named Zack and now he is with his Mommy and Daddy and his big sister Emma forever and ever and ever...

To end the week I had a quick email conversation with the program director this morning and things are still on track for a referral before the end of the month...

Stay Tuned!

Happiness is...

• time with friends, old and new, at the waiting mommies dinner tonight
  
• wedding fun at the lake's edge tomorrow afternoon and evening


• cottage time with family who are coming from far and wide for a week of fun in the sun


• a late night call from sweet Liz and baby Zack from a hotel lobby in Hanoi


• sweet anticipation and tiny baby photos from 12 time zones away.
  Okay, perhaps the anticipation isn't always sweet but you get the picture.
  

Speaking of getting the picture, here is a photo that defines happiness for me:

Too Sweet!

The Shifting Sands of Time

As you can see on the sidebar the "timeline" has shifted again. Not unexpected really but I'm still disappointed. If it shifts again into August we will be in a month where my social worker is available to review my referral for 5 days...only 5 days...from the 10th to the 14th. My fingers are crossed that Little B will be revealed to me before the end of July. Lots of crossed fingers and positive referral thoughts all around the world might help.

About that time thing. Time seems to be practically standing still right now. Moving forward at a snail's pace. I have a request. If I have to do snail's pace for more than 2 years while I wait for little guy I would like to request that it continue after the arrival of the little guy. No sudden shift to cheetah's pace will be acceptable. It's only fair.

Sleepless

Well, it is lunch time on Monday in my son's birth country.
Time to get those July referrals processed...
please...

I'm not sleeping well these days. I'm up late at night hoping my friends travelling to bring their sons home will update a flickr account or send a quick "attached to a toddler one armed email". I'm feeling desperate for photos of new mommies out and about with their darling sons held tight.

I close my eyes and see sweet baby faces. I have a slide show on repeat in my brain. Sights I haven't seen personally but that I have memorized from the photo collections of those that have gone before me. Smiling nanny faces, swinging hammocks and the darling face of a tiny baby.

I'm ready. Two years ago this month my homestudy was complete. I'm ready.

Complete

Joy sweeps the land...

Sweet Zack will not know what hit him when he arrives home to a Daddy and a Big sister that have been waiting for him so much longer than he has been alive. The road to Zack was rough and narrow, along mountainous terrain with steep cliffs on either side with a destination called FINALLY.

Happy Birthday to a cute little boy who will turn two in the arms of his mommy.

And this little guy, Tikkun, has been the stuff of wishes and dreams for many years...all diapered and ready to be received into his mommy's loving arms.

The ceremony has occurred and it is official.

I can hardly wait for "airport day"!

Click here to view a private post

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

I'm home again. The cottage was wonderful. A bit on the cool side and the 18 year old in the bay had a birthday bash that lasted 72 hours but it is important to remember that a bad day at the cottage is always better than the very best possible day at work...so, there you have it.

Sweet puppy,
wishing he could be in the water
wondering when I'll get off my butt and take him down to the water
and waiting with some patience to get in the water...

Here are a few photos of the pooch enjoying the the water. He will fetch his favourite rubber ball a thousand times but is equally happy wading in the shallows searching for his "rock of the day".

So majestic, surveying his domain.No photos of me in here...I was in a bathing suit after all!