Understanding the wait...

Today marks 10 months since Dossier to Vietnam. A few posts ago I wished for news by the time my DTV number reached two digits but there hasn't really been any news for me. Yes, my agency received their first orphanage referrals late in August and there is talk of our agency's program gaining 'momentum'. More referrals are on the way soon.

Soon is overused in the adoption world and I am trying to focus on the now. The waiting is hard. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. I wash and fold and store away the hand me downs and wonder how big little b will be. I say no to nothing and explain to generous friends, neighbours and colleagues that anything I don't need will be donated to a local woman's shelter. I go to work, educate other people's children, and put away every spare penny for travel expenses and for life expenses during my 37 weeks of parental leave (making about $400/week in employment insurance). I read, research, lurk, blog (occasionally), email, and generally fret on and off about the whole adoption experience. Mostly I wait.

Waiting took on a whole new light for me today and brought a little tear to my eye. I was at our school fun fair accompianied by my best friend's four year old. We don't see each other as often as I would like but this little guy has been helping his mom pack up his "old" stuff for little b for months and months. Little b will dress in hardly worn brand names because this giant 4 year old 'only' nephew and 'only' grandchild of his loving relatives has out-grown size 6x. My little buddy hasn't mentioned little b often but did tell me last time I was up at his house visiting that he wasn't quite ready to hand down his wiggl*les guitar .

Anyway, we were walking around the school yard greeting my students and their families when we ran into my vice principal who is off on maternity leave. I opened up the hood of the stroller to take a peek at the beautiul little 3 month old girl and out of nowhere my little buddy pipes up "Oooh, is that little b?"

"No, little buddy. We can't just pick up a little b at the local school fun fair. Yes, it is taking quite a bit of time, and yes, I wish I was pushing around a stroller and introducing my little man at the school funfair, but no, that is not him."

"I've been waiting a long time! When can I play with him?"

"Soon. I hope. Soon.'

Waiting is hard.
Especially when you are four.